Lost
by sherazard
Summary: (REPOST) Author's first stab at the SM category. "...where is home?" [Warning: shoujo-ai]


Part 1 - Lost

In the darkened streets of Tokyo, I watch with utter fascination and dread as they go through their lives, mulling about the crowded streets. It's quite sad, really, that anyone in this world could perhaps meet their soul-mate just by looking up and sharing their private world with anyone else. I find it so sad, and yet, so fitting for a society that has gone beyond corrupted.

However, it is not my place to judge humanity. After all, I too, am human.

But...

That girl over there. With the odd hairstyle, like as if two buns are on top of her head. She intrigues me. There is something about her, something so bright, happy and vibrant that makes me smile spontaneously. But...her aura, it is tainted. Tainted with pain, longing and...unrequited love?

I see her eyes. So full of life...or so it seems.

They are lost.

_She_ is lost.

But lost what?

She probably couldn't tell you what she's lost, or why she's lost. From her aura, and her personality, I can tell that she _feels_, not analyze. Somewhere behind those eyes, lies a woman full of soul, spirit and gentleness who is just beneath the surface, ready to take the reigns. She is a passionate person.

I, however, know what she has lost.

A chance at true love.

* * *

_Darkness is everywhere, and I realize that I am in the mind of the aforementioned girl. Who would have ever guessed that there was so much anguish hidden behind those shining depths of her eyes? So many fears, insecurities and regrets. Longing was in abundance here, and I felt sad, because she had never felt the touch of true love. The man whom she was with now, he was not faithful. She knew it but he did not know that she knew. However, as much as it hurt her, she continued to be with him, simply because she believed that nobody else would love her._

_I see flashes of her true desire, the one person she longs for. Those obsidian black tresses...amethyst eyes...so gorgeous and yet...out of reach. Or that is what she believes. The fantasies are hot, and full of ardor and passion. Longing and pain. So much of it that it pulses and throbs, making this place seem extremely small. It chokes me, the force of her emotions towards this black haired girl that I see in this mind._

_Rei. That is the name of the owner of those mysterious amethyst eyes._

_I now know why I was told to return to this realm._

_This is my mission._

_To set the wrongs right._

_To bring home the lost._

* * *

I watch with fascination as the young golden-haired maiden walk sedately down the street and straight to an old Shinto jinja. It is a marvel that this jinja is still standing to this day. I have not visited this place in a long, long time. She calls out the name of her secret love, and then I see her. What a vision she is!

Long, ebony black tresses flutter softly in the breeze, and wide amethyst eyes full of mirth and light, framed by black lashes, and the face of this girl is overwhelmingly desirable. I know that she is also this golden-haired child's closest companion and I smile sadly. I too, had felt such love, but I was not so fortunate to be so close to _my_ desires.

Ah, enough of my own musings. They are not the subject at hand. I watch as the black-haired girl hug her friend, and wince as feel the pang of jealously and pain from the blond. I take care so as to not to reveal my presence. I have deducted that this girl is a powerful priestess, and by looking at her aura, it seems that the blonde's feelings are mutual. Oh, this will make my mission so much easier. Unlike her friend, this girl's aura is dominated by passion and pain, with swirls of love and friendship. I notice that the aura takes on a much more sensual and bittersweet shade when the blond flashes her an engaging smile.

I remain at the jinja even after the blond leaves, and I make myself known. "Hino Rei, I presume."

She spins around to face me, startled and frightened. She scowls at me suspiciously. As much as she is adept with the power of fire and a strong priestess, I can easily overpower her. It is almost comical. "Who are you?" she snaps at me.

I bow formally, and face her with honesty. "I am Akamura Keisuke, the former keeper of the Hikawa Jinja."

She pales and looks at me, completely and utterly nonplussed. "But...but you _died_ over..."

"58 years ago? I know. I have been granted time here in the mortal plane to accomplish a mission," I reply. "It is an important mission of the heart. Your heart, specifically."

I notice that she is now overtaken by fear. "What--what do you mean?"

I realize that there is no other way to make her realize that she is lost without her other half, without being rude. "I know who you desire. Your fantasies, the one whom you've wanted to be with, wanted to love so wholly and truly without hesitation, and couldn't be with because of your foolish blindness to see what is truly in front of you."

"What...how do you know all this?" she demands.

Chuckling softly, I look at her. "I can read people's ki, their aura. I've seen it all; your love, desire, lust, passion and affection for that golden-haired child. You cannot hide your thoughts."

Her fear is completely real, and I realize that maybe it is not the best approach to be so frank. However, the green color of envy and blackness of despair quickly dominate her aura. "So? It doesn't matter. She's with _him._"

I chuckle yet again, and I realize that being amused by the fact that she is too blind to _really_ see her blond friend is not helping her situation at all. "I guess I should tell you straight off, that she doesn't truly love him."

"Wha--what?" she sputters elegantly.

"You heard me. She is bound to him by duty, but she knows that he doesn't love her, and she doesn't love him. They are trapped in a loveless relationship, and there is only pain for both of them to try to keep up the 'destined couple' facade. Her smiles and his confessions of undying love and sweetness are all false. It is a pretense to bring about Crystal Tokyo. He loves another, _she_ loves another."

"How do you know all this?" she demanded fearfully.

I see now that fear and...hope creeping into her aura slowly, and I smile quietly. Oh this will be easy indeed. "As I have said. I am dead. I no longer walk amongst the mortals. I am privy to every thought if I wish it. I have been painfully privy to your thoughts, the golden-haired child's thoughts and the boy's thoughts. I know everything."

She gasps and stumbles away from me fearfully. "I am merely here to bring home the lost."

Confusion crosses her features. "Tell me, what is the golden-haired child's name? The one you desire so?"

A blush paints her maiden cheeks as she whispers reverently, "Usagi. Tsukino Usagi."

"What about the man's name?"

"Chiba Mamoru," she replies.

I nod sagely and before I leave, I murmur softly to her. "Have faith. Confront her, and all will be revealed."

I leave the mortal realm forever, never to return.

Hopefully, she will not repeat the same mistake she has made in her past life.

* * *

Part 2 - Found

Rei's POV 

As I await silently at the jinja for the odango-atama's entrance, I can't help but shiver at the events that transpired yesterday. I hadn't realized that someone could be so privy to my thoughts that they would know of my _fantasies_ about her. When he said he could read my aura and my ki, I did not realize that he had been speaking the truth, until he picked up on all of my mood changes.

"Rei-chan!" a melodic voice calls out.

I turn to find the object of my desires approach me, wearing an almost scandalous skirt and a white blouse that cut off just below her breasts. If I didn't know her better, I would say that she had dressed this way on purpose! Her long, slender legs are on display for me to see and what a view! What I wouldn't give to run my hands up those legs...

"Usagi-chan, I need to talk to you," I begin, hoping that my voice did not waver.

She smiles at me, and the genuine warmth of the smile makes my heart skip several beats. "Of course. I came to talk to you too."

I lead her into my room, where she sits down and folds her legs behind her. I sit down and face her. "Usagi, I want to know about your relationship with Mamoru."

Her face suddenly turns into an expression of suspicion crossed with fear and uncertainty. "If you want to take him, have him."

_That_ was not what I was expecting to hear. "Wha--what??"

"You heard me," she scowls. "I don't need him. All he does is break my heart anyway. We broke up."

I sigh quietly. "Oh Usagi...you don't deserve that. You deserve so much more..."

'_You deserve love..._' I think to myself. "He doesn't deserve you. You're too good for him," I say loudly.

She smiles at me again and I can't help but smile back. "Thank you Rei-chan. Coming from you, that means a lot to me."

However, I notice that she is fidgeting. I muster my courage to tell her my deepest secret. "There's something I've been wanting to tell you Usagi."

"I know this might sound awkward coming from me, but..." '_Here goes nothing...Please God..._' "...I love you Usagi. Not as a friend, but something that transcends friendship. I love you with all of my being and I'll always love you..."

I get cut off in the middle of my sentence as her lips crash onto mine and I realize that she is kissing me! Her soft lips against mine are like velvet as I kiss back hungrily, passionately and lovingly. She responds to my kiss with equal passion, love and fervor. I feel two arms wrapping around my waist and I am pushed down onto the floor, with Usagi's golden hair spilling around the two of us. The kiss is broken and I whimper breathlessly. "I love you too Rei. I've _always, **always**_ loved you," she whispers into my ear.

Tears spill from my eyes as I put my arms around her and kiss her. Her weight on my body is like a delicious piece of Heaven and I know...I know that I will treat her better than he ever will.

I've found her, when she was lost. She is mine.

* * *

Part 3 - Full Circle

Usagi's POV: 6 Years Later   
_* Note: Rei and Usagi are now 24. *_

The remark is like a knife to my heart.

I know now that I am destined to be alone.

Their eyes are staring holes into my soul and I realize now that she was never mine to begin with. There is no need for me to shed my tears. I don't have enough tears to cry for losing her. Their eyes are filled with remorse and regret, but I keep my face neutral, and I know I have succeeded in keeping my voice level.

"How long?"

Her answer shatters my already broken heart. "Two years."

I nod. "I understand."

I get up from my seat and I make my way to the door, silently slipping into my shoes and just as I open the door, she calls out, "Usagi!"

I turn around. "Yes?"

She bites her lip, and the tears shimmering in her eyes is like a mockery of what I will never get to share with her. Even though I boil in my rage and sorrow, I stay neutral. "Will...will you ever...come back?" she asks me timidly.

Taking my last glance of my former lover, I turn sharply on my heel and walk out of the door. My response? "No."

With that, I leave the apartment that belongs to Aino Minako, leaving the two women behind, and most likely, my heart and soul.

All has come to a full circle now and I am lost once more.

This time though, I will find myself, find a home on my own.

So I climb into my car and I drive to the airport. The plane ticket to London, England is sitting next to me and just as I drive away from the apartment building, I see the breathless form of Rei on the street, and I vaguely hear her screaming my name desperately. I had told my mother to tell the others that I had left for Europe if they called to check on me.

There is no light in my life now. I am immersed in darkness, alone and heartbroken.

I _will_ find a way home.

But...

Where _is_ home?

* * *

Part 4 - Reflections

Until that certain day two years ago when Usagi walked out of my life, I didn't realize just how much I would miss her. The last words she ever said to me, was "no". An answer to a question that I knew, did not need an answer. She had simply told me that she was leaving Tokyo. I hadn't realized that she was going to _Europe_ to escape this. When I ran out onto the street to try to make amends before she left, it was already too late. I saw her car driving off and I screamed her name, to get her to stop, but deep down in my heart, I knew that it was futile.

A year after Minako and I got together, we broke up, realizing that it was not working between the two of us. We had always held a fantasy and physical attraction to each other, but we both knew that that wasn't enough to make the relationship last. The relationship that I had shared with my beloved Usagi had been perfection in its purest form. Our bond physically and spiritually was nothing like I had ever experienced before. I have had my share of girlfriends and boyfriends since then, but nothing was like what Usagi and I had shared.

Even now, I still cry myself to sleep because I see her face and her smile haunting my dreams and I can still feel her intimate touch against my skin, and I always pray fervently that she will return to me. Those nights we had shared, making love and just _being_ with each other had been the best time of my life. Our mental connection was always strong but now...now I'd be thankful if she even gave me the time of _day_.

I am snapped out of my depressed musings when Ami enters the room with a smile on her face. "Guess what?"

"What?" I ask, now genuinely curious. Nothing can ever make Ami smile like that unless it was related to her husband. From what I can tell, it has _ nothing_ to do with her husband.

"Usagi's here!" she exclaims happily.

"WHAT?!!" I shriek, jumping up. "Where?!"

"She's at her house right now! She says she's going to go the arcade to meet Makoto!"

I follow her to the arcade and surely, just as I walk in, I notice the very familiar pair of odangoes on her head and Makoto's grinning visage. We make our way to the booth and I greet her quietly. "Hello Usagi."

The response I receive is nothing like what I thought it would be. "Hello Rei! It has been a long time. How are you?"

She's...smiling?

"I--I'm great, thanks. You?" I stutter.

"I'm great!" she exclaims. "I got married last year to this _wonderful_ woman named Michelle..."

My heart breaks.

"MARRIED?!" shrieks Ami and Makoto.

I am too numb and shocked about this revelation that I cannot say a word. Married...she's married...that means...

She is lost to me.

Forever.

Usagi flashes them an engaging smile and chuckled. "Yep! In fact, there she is now! Love, come here!"

A tall brunette walks over to the booth and she is...gorgeous. Her twinkling jade-green eyes are deep and mysterious, but so loving. My heart crumbles as the woman named Michelle slides into the booth next to Usagi and kisses her tenderly. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"These are my friends, Mizuno Ami and Kino Makoto. The girl with the amethyst eyes is my wonderful first lover, Hino Rei," she introduces.

Wonderful...first lover?

Makoto blurts out the question that is on my mind. "Are you two really married?"

Michelle laughs heartily at that. "Oh no no! We're not. She just loves to shock people that way. No, we aren't married, but the thought has come to mind a lot."

A small portion of my heart is sewn back together with that remark. But, it is promptly broken again when it is mentioned that the prospect has been given consideration. I know now that unless a miracle happens, I would never be able to lay claim to the pure heart that rests inside the golden haired angel I have lost due to my own foolishness.

"I must ask a question," Makoto murmurs, blushing. "Ami and I have been going out for a long time now, and I'd like some..._expert_ opinion."

Usagi grins, knowing where this query is heading. "Why didn't you ask Haruka and Michiru? Surely they'd be able to be a little more..._creative_."

Ami flushes a deep scarlet. "Well...we feel slightly more comfortable with you Usagi."

She nods sagely, and my heart clenches at the familiar gleam of tenderness in her eyes. "Well, ask away."

"Just exactly..._where_ should we...you know...to make it..." Makoto stutters.

The melodic, rich peals of Usagi and Michelle's shared laughter is enough to make my stomach roll painfully. Usagi giggles and tries to smother it, but she ends up being unsuccessful, and I know that I too, am blushing while trying to look somber. Usagi recovers long enough to respond. "I always loved somewhere slightly public. I remember when Michelle and I ended up nearly ripping off each other's clothes in this alleyway by the Big Ben, and you should have seen the looks that the males were giving us when they passed us. My shirt was sopping wet and my bra was totally destroyed, and I had to pay for Michelle's new skirt."

Now it's _my_ turn to flush a deep crimson. "What can I say? I'm an exhibitionist."

That is the truth. There is one occurrence when...

"Oh, and there's that time when Rei and I were in a school classroom," Usagi murmurs sensuously, giving a secretive look at her lover, who blushes. "She was in her school uniform and that was when I learned of Rei's fetish."

"Usagi please..." I plead softly.

She looks at me, and I see the pain in her eyes and...love?

Can it be?

Michelle notices our exchange and frowns. Makoto and Ami are growing much more uncomfortable with the sudden tension between us and I politely excuse myself, and I am aware that Michelle grabs Usagi and follows me out of the restaurant.

"Hino-san, stop," Michelle says.

I stop and I turn around. It is the three of us and Usagi's intense gaze is almost heady and overwhelming. I can also see the troubled look on Michelle's face and then something comes to my mind.

_"...there was this woman I met in London...Michelle...but I had to leave her because I had to come here...I miss her so much...I'm sorry Rei, I can't continue this..."_

Oh please Dear God no...

"Usagi, there's something I have to tell you," Michelle begins.

Oh please...oh please no...

* * *

Part 5 - Fresh Beginnings

"...I'm so sorry Usagi..."

"So you just used me?" I query softly.

And I think...I think something in me snaps. "Who am I going to be the substitute for next?! Makoto?! Setsuna?! I HATE THIS! I HATE MY LIFE!"

I'm running, running and...

running away.

I'm a coward, I'm a weakling, and I'm everything that nobody is.

I'm not beautiful and charismatic like Minako. I'm not intelligent and sedate like Ami. I'm not strong and talented like Makoto. I'm not refined or artistic like Michiru, or responsible and serious like Setsuna, or cunning and witty like Haruka. I'm the odd one out of them all, and it's only fair. With power...comes loneliness. As much as I love my friends, it's not what I'm looking for.

And right now, all I want is an escape.

Any escape.

I'll take any chance that I'm given just to escape this nightmare. Someone please take me out of this endless parade of rejection.

I truly loved you Michelle...but I'm not Minako.

I truly loved you Rei...but I'm not Minako.

I truly loved you Mamoru...but I'm not Serenity.

I'm Tsukino Usagi.

And right now, I'm going to make a fresh start.

It will start with a promise.

A promise...to never, _ever_ remember this life.

* * *

Conclusion - A Third Chance

_Tsukino Usagi was found dead in the Juuban Central Park at 11:05 PM, no signs of attack. It was found from the autopsy that she had inhaled carbon monoxide._

_Crystal Tokyo never happened, and the world fell prey to the darkness._

_However...a young group of girls have been awakened from their sleep to take the reigns as protectors of the remaining world. Their names are Mizuno Ami, Kino Makoto, Hino Rei, Aino Minako, Ten'oh Haruka, Kaioh Michiru, Meioh Setsuna and Meioh Hotaru._

_A young girl that lies amidst the ruins of Japan, is without a home, family or friends._

_She is destined to be the leader of the former Senshi._

_With her amethyst eyes and quicksilver blue hair, she is scorned from battle and loss, and her eyes glint with a cold ruthlessness._

_Who is she?_

* * *

**_To Be Continued...?_**

(The obvious rhetorical question is yes, it will be continued in a Future/AU series. Untitled, and still in the planning stage.)


End file.
